I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize