if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
