Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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