I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
