I've blown a few things in my day
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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