Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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