Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
