eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
