I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
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