i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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