started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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