some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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