Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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