No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think a kid would responsible me up
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
