I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize