Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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