Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
