We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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