So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
