So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
