You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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