the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
