I queefed so loud it echoed.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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