Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
