I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I AM VODKA MAN
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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