Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
