I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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