If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
