There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I wear drunk well.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
