how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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