I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
