I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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