Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
