we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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