If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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