sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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