How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
