its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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