He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize