do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think a kid would responsible me up
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
