Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
