I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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