Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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