She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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