so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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