I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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