So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
