my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
