I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
