my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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