everyone is single if you try hard enough
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
