I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
