Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Even my vagina gasped.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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