So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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