So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize