She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Success! We fucked roommates!
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