But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
