I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
