Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
