o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize