He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
