When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
