I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize