i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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