the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
